From Prozac to Road: Cycling for Happiness

It is amazing how a vigorous ride to school sucked all the stress out of my body. I would sit in my 9 a.m. class with a runner's high and not a care in the world. I also felt an incredible sense of accomplishment and self-confidence. This is a far cry from what I used to experience in my daily life.

Ten years ago, I was an overly-stressed, directionless student searching for accomplishment. I was the only Russian major at Michigan State University and I joined an intramural floor hockey team, the MSU Running Club, the MSU Equestrian Team, and I worked 30, sometimes 40 hours per week.

The business of my life was coupled with huge insecurities, shyness and fear of people I didn't really know, and a strong dislike for myself. I lost all motivation to show up for class and work. I reluctantly went to work, I skipped class, but I did manage to get to my equestrian team carpool the mornings of competition. One morning, as I was heading to East Lansing down I-69 at 5:30 am, I found myself bawling, literally bawling the whole 40-minute drive. It was about that time that I spent an incredible amount of time in bed and miraculously lost 20 pounds. Anyone who knows me knows that 20 pounds doesn't just melt off of this body.

Before I knew it, my relationship with the MSU Equestrian Team was mutually terminated, I dropped out of the Running Club, floor hockey ended, and I quit going to classes. I just couldn't handle . . . anything.

When I was 19 and living in California as a Private in the Army studying Russian, I simply wanted to die. That thought came to a climax at the implosion of my Spartan life and I didn't only have thoughts and hopes of suicide, but I was actually trying to figure out how I was going to do it and I was searching for the strength to complete it.

I had reached a point in my life that was filled with nothing but complete emptiness and loss of hope. I had emotional outbursts and fits and simply lost any control I might have had. I ended up in the emergency room twice because I had no idea where else to go and I felt nothing but the incredible turmoil going on inside my mind. That turmoil had spread beyond my mind throughout my body culminating in physical pain.

The emergency room nurses directed me to a psychologist who I met with a couple times and ended up absolutely hating. I skipped my last appointment with him (I think I had three) and left it at that. Shortly thereafter, I read an article that listed all of the symptoms a woman might feel from premenstrual syndrome. Wondering if this was what I was truly suffering, I cut out the symptoms and took them to my family doctor. I told her that I was experiencing all of these. They weren't things like "cramps," but things like excessive crying, stress, unusual weight loss, etc. We cycled through Paxil, which only made my suicidal tendencies stronger, and then began a several-year relationship with Prozac.

Life was still difficult, but Prozac took away my suicidal thoughts after one or two months and put me in a mindset that allowed me to eventually go back to school to obtain my Associate Degree graduating with a 3.8 GPA, and achieve independence. I spent many years going on and off Prozac. I remember the feeling of euphoria I would sometimes get while on it. The last time I used it, I lived in Appleton, WI in 2005. I took it for several months under the advisement of my doctor.

In January 2006, I moved to Hancock, MI for a new job. The lead ultrasound tech taught me how to cross country skate ski and I did it religiously through the end of April. When the snow was no longer there, I decided to take up trail running and train for my third marathon. The goal was to run Detroit in the fall. In May, I met someone who would change my life in such a profound way. She invited me to go mountain biking at Michigan Tech. I met her one Saturday morning in late May to go for my first, real, mountain bike ride.

For the next two weeks, I alternated riding with running and continued to get exercise four days a week, like I did during ski season. I started exploring more of the Tech Trails and enjoyed mountain biking so much that, by the third week, running had suddenly disappeared from my life altogether. The rest of the story begins with second post of my blog.


Bicycling maintains my emotional well-being these days. It also causes random giggles on the trail and even on the road.

I have been Prozac-free since 2005. I quit my job last year, not because I couldn't handle it, but because I detested certain aspects of it and felt a need for change. I wanted to make a difference that I couldn't make in my present position. I decided to become a doctor.

If I hadn't begun cycling, I probably wouldn't be embarking on this newest journey in my life. Truth be told, I never thought I was smart enough to be a doctor. Now, I realize that it is something I really do have the capability of becoming. Many of my riding friends are either PhDs or MDs, one is both. My cycling friends who aren't of these credentials are highly accomplished folks in other careers. All are inspiring, intelligent, community-minded people.

Cycling has changed me physically, in the sense that I am healthier, stronger, more confident, happier, and emotionally stable. It has also changed my social life as this sport is the glue that holds my social network together. I am inspired by cycling and cyclists on a daily basis.

As I continue to use my bike, not only as a recreational toy, but as transportation, I take delight that my Prozac-induced euphoria has been replaced by a cycling-induced runner's high that is much better than what any drug can provide. Most of all, I found my sanity in cycling.